How giving up smoking fixed my relationship with myself (and my health)

I’d already tried to give up a few times, but I don’t think I ever really wanted it enough. I never had a ‘reason’ to give up (aside from the obvious health concerns) but now, with this football stuff, I found myself wanting to be fitter, to be able to run more, to help maximize my enjoyment of the game, and to be better for my teammates. So I started cutting back.

I didn’t go cold turkey. I started out by halving the number cigarettes I smoked, then halving again, then again. I relapsed a few times, but got back on the horse as soon as I could. Then eventually I’d only smoke socially. Then I’d only smoke when I was around other friends who smoked. Now, for the most part, I’m even able to resist that. It wasn’t easy, but for me the trick was to go at my own pace, and to not get discouraged when I lapsed.  

Of course, while all of this was happening, my aerobic ability was slowly increasing. I’d play football and notice my lungs were burning a lot less, and I wasn’t getting as puffed as I normally would. I could play better, for longer. It felt like I’d aged backwards five or 10 years! After a few weeks of this, I had a thought that I’d literally never had before: maybe I could try and go for a run?!

And so I did. I went to my local oval (I read that running on grass is better for beginners) at 7am one morning, and I ran. And I kept running. Before I knew it, according to my Fitbit, I’d run 2.8 kilometres. But most surprising of all? I enjoyed it.

Encouraged, I bought some proper running shoes and started trying to go out two or three times a week, for 20 minutes at a time, and gradually ramped up until I was able to run five kilometres. Then one day, a few weeks later, I ran five kilometres and still felt OK, so I kept going. And that’s how I ran my first 10 kilometres. 

The whole time I was smoking, I never once realised the impact it was having on what I thought was possible for myself. Smoking was like an invisible barrier to any exercise; this blanket excuse I could use to say “that’s not for me.” And that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Through all of this, my self-esteem improved, I’ve been pushing myself more and more in other areas of my life too, and all this physical activity and movement has done wonders for my mental health too. It’s been a complete revelation. I know it’s a cliché, but it really is like having a new lease of life.

Maybe part of it is just replacing one habit (smoking) with another (exercise). Whatever it is, I definitely didn’t see it coming. It’s not just that I feel better and healthier than I have in years, it’s that I have more motivation to keep at it than I ever have. For me, that’s been the difference. Just knowing that there’s nothing holding me back. It’s an amazing feeling.