In the lead up to International Friendship Day, we asked AIA Vitality Ambassador Dame Valerie Adams to share her thoughts on the importance of friendship. Check out the full Q & A with Dame Valerie below, including details on how she has maintained strong, long-lasting friendships while raising young children and competing around the world.
Why is it important to have friends?
Our friendship bonds are some of the most important connections we will ever make. I believe that it’s important to have people in your life, other than your family and colleagues, who you can rely on in the good times and the bad. These are the people who are yours and who will always be there for you – not you as a mother, or you as an athlete, but you as a friend. I’m lucky to have a group of core friends who understand what I’m going through and allow me to just be Valerie.
As a busy mum, how do you stay connected with your friends?
For me, it’s about making time for my friends. I have a very small circle of close friends – I can actually count them all on one hand. These are the people who I make time for and in return, they make time for me. In my experience, the phrase ‘too many people, too much noise’ rings true.
Staying connected can be as simple as sending memes to friends or checking in with a quick text. At the bare minimum, I check in with my circle once a month. When you love people unconditionally and they mean so much to you, you will always find a way to make time for them and their needs.
When I was working in Tonga for an extended period last year, two of my best friends came with me to help watch my kids. I didn’t have to beg them to come, they wanted to be there, and they understood that I needed their support – that’s what true friendship is about.
What are the friendship qualities you value?
Trust is so important, not only trusting my friends to be there for me, but now trusting them with my children. We have to honour what our friends tell us, no matter how significant the information is, with respect and confidentiality. Loyalty is also huge for me – I think it runs through my veins! One of my best mates to this day is someone I met at primary school, and they know how deep my loyalty runs – if something goes wrong, they know I’ve got them. It’s important in friendships that we’re there for the right reasons, trying to get the best out of each other as friends, not competing for one another’s attention.
Having a great sense of humour, being empathetic and the go-to organiser are some qualities that I bring to the table.
What has been your experience of forming and maintaining friendships during your career?
Throughout my sporting career, I’ve had people come in and out of my life, but the loyal, strong friendships have survived.
As someone with a hectic schedule, it’s great to have those friends who you can see after months have gone by and nothing has changed – you pick up right where you left off.
Through sports I have been able to meet so many incredible people and form friendships which have stood the test of time. Sport has been a powerful tool for me in building friendships, and the friends I have made through sport have had a positive impact on my life.
Can you share some tips for helping maintain friendships?
I’m Tongan, so a big part of maintaining my friendships is using food to bring people together. Food is a way to connect with people in a casual and relaxed way. You don’t have to spend a lot of money going out to a nice restaurant – hosting a themed dinner at home always goes down well. I personally like hosting dinner parties with friends at my house, and we often take turns cooking. Hosting a fondue night or taco night won’t break the bank and will be something special for your friends to enjoy.
My friends and I are super competitive, so we love to play boardgames after dinner. Some of my favourite group games are Rummy, Ligretto or Sequence. You can play in teams or individually and it’s a great way to get everyone chatting and laughing together.
How can we support young people, including our children, to develop strong, healthy friendships?
The increased use of social media can mean that making strong, genuine and lasting friendships in today’s world is really challenging. A tactic I use with my two young children is to limit devices where possible. This makes more time for them to connect with family and the world around them. I have loved using this time to introduce my kids to games I used to play as a kid, like hopscotch, elastics, or playdough. I believe we should give our kids the space and time they need but also the opportunity to be present and removed from devices.
Friendship problems are a struggle for people of all ages. It’s important to communicate with your kids about any issues they might be having in their friendship circles and offer them tools to work through them. Even in your own friendship group, if something is wrong, communication is the key to resolution. Sometimes, even if you don’t want to have the conversation, you need to talk about it to reach a solution. My advice is to be comfortable being uncomfortable – if these people mean enough to you, you need to make the effort to resolve conflict.
Most importantly, cherish the friendships you have and make time for them. It is from our role modelling, that our tamariki will learn the importance of friendship.
