Alisa Camplin: How to support someone in need

Assure the person that there’s a support structure around them, with people who care and can help. Praise them for reaching out and encourage them to keep doing so. If someone is asking for help, open that space.

If you offer support to someone –– it’s vital to honour that commitment. That doesn’t mean you have to take on the whole burden; you just need to show that help is available, whether that’s through you or via professional support. 

Give them the space to talk. Stay calm and listen, even if you hear things that are confronting or that you don’t like. Try not to seek out the juicy details or the information you might want to know.

People often put on a brave face so it can be a shock when somebody starts to open up. Stay neutral, be patient and allow the person to share without interrupting. This means trying not to jump right into problem-solving mode. Sometimes listening is all that someone wants. Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers – sometimes you can be the conduit to them. 

It’s tempting to frame things through your own experiences, but you’re not going to have the full context and sometimes assumptions can be damaging. Instead, normalise those emotions. We all have complicated feelings, so don’t make someone feel like they're weak for sharing theirs.

Just acknowledging that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed is positive, and validating emotions in a safe zone can be immensely beneficial. You’re not passing a value judgement; you’re recognising that these feelings are genuine.

At some point, you’ll need to decide if you’re going to be a direct helper or enlist someone else. If you do get involved, is it going to be something that’s sustained and ongoing – or just in the immediate future? Are you skilled in the right areas? Do you have the time to make this kind of commitment or do you already have life overflow yourself? Are you emotionally resilient enough or would a professional be a better fit?

Even if you feel like you can’t take everything on, there may be some genuinely caring ways you can be supportive. You could offer to do some research and then provide them with some articles or find a counsellor who specialises in a space that’s relevant to the situation. You could even offer to attend a GP appointment with the person who needs help, if appropriate.

If it’s a situation that’s arisen at the workplace or school, you could offer to get the person home or to a safe space, or suggest sitting with them and a manager as a neutral party. In a family or work structure there are clear chains of command that need to be respected, so don’t step in if you don’t feel comfortable. Instead, explore options that are available within a work or school environment, such as the HR department, employee assistance programmes, student services or a counsellor.

The support we gain through our relationships is invaluable. Just knowing that we are there for each other really matters. It’s also important to remember that sometimes someone needs to be supported through short-term challenges, and then when it’s over, they want to resume that former healthy connection they had with you. They won’t want recent issues to be the defining feature of your relationship going forward. They also won’t want to feel like an ongoing burden, either.

Relationships naturally change, so it’s important to continue fostering the things that brought you together in the first place. Find ways to talk about new happenings, participate in your usual activities and maintain the interests that helped form your original bond. Try to make it easy and comfortable to move forward. Some relationships do come and go, but they can also last a lifetime if you invest in them.