Dame Valerie Adams: What does “success” really mean to you?

The first time I remember having any kind of success was at school, when I made the basketball team with my sister (they called us ‘the Twin Towers’) and we won the Auckland Regional Championship.

I mean, our school basically forced us to play sport. We weren’t really doing it for the love of it back then. But I still remember that feeling…like I was on top of the world.

At the time, I had absolutely no idea where that feeling was going to take me. Or that chasing it was going to become such a big part of my life, or how much my own interpretation of ‘success’ would grow and mature and develop over the years. But here we are.

I didn’t have a good time at school. I came from a broken home, I was six foot four when I was 12-years-old, and life in South Auckland was tough.

I didn’t have any boyfriends, I never attended the school ball, and I learned pretty quickly that sport is where I felt comfortable. Sport was my jam, and I was competitive by nature – me and my sister even used to get into arguments over a game of hopscotch!

As I got a little older, I realised the massive advantage my body afforded me, and I got more and more into athletics. I started enjoying it, too. Really enjoying it. I started dreaming about where my sport could take me.

I lost my mum quite young. I remember sitting with her in her South Auckland hospice watching the Opening Ceremony of the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games. She was so ill at the time, and I told her, “I’m going to be there. One day, I’m going to be there.” She could only nod, but I knew she heard me. She passed away the very next morning.

And right then, dealing with devastating loss of my mother, that was a fork in the road for me. There were two very different paths I could’ve taken, and I chose the path I chose.

When you get to that level, where everyone is expecting you to win everything, the first thing you begin to think after a win is “phew”. You feel relieved that you didn’t let anyone down. The joy comes after, sure, but the relief comes first.

A big risk I took in my career is actually when I entered the Paris Diamond League event in 2015. My shoulder and elbows were wrecked – I knew they weren’t up to it, and I knew I was going to lose. Losing would mean an end to that five-year win streak, but I did it anyway. And I lost. And it was the best thing I could’ve done – it took real courage. These things happen, we go up, and we come down. It’s life, and it’s usually on the downs that you wind up learning the most.

None of this sounds like heaps of fun, does it? Brutal training, all this sacrifice, all this pressure from my country and the media, going out in 2015 knowing I’d lose…

But here’s the thing: success isn’t about having this destination. It’s not a place you’re going to end up and finally feel 100% content. I don’t think so, anyway.  It’s about enjoying every part of the journey. There is no magic destination where you’re finally going to feel successful, or feel like you ‘made it’.

And I have enjoyed every part of my journey (OK, most parts). I think that’s the only reason I’ve been able to keep pushing forward. That, and wanting to make my family proud.

Family has always been important to me. And now I’ve got two kids of my own, it’s taken on a whole new dimension. Being a mum is the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. Sure, I was unbeaten for five years, an Olympic and world champ, but that’s nothing compared to motherhood.

You have no idea what you’re doing, you’re sleep deprived, you’re scared, you’re anxious. But you learn, and you never knew a love like this before – you never even knew it existed. It’s funny, thinking about how being a mum relates to my sport, and this idea of ‘success’ that we’re always chasing.

For me, right now, ‘success’ is when my kids are clothed, fed and in bed. It’s when they both nap at the same time. It’s having one hour to myself, and feeling like I might actually be able to move and train today. It’s the little things. And I think it’s always been the little things.

Would any of my professional achievements mean as much without my kids, or the rest of my family? No way. That stuff is nothing compared to what I feel I’ve achieved as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister or as an aunt. At the end of the day, they’re the people who will be there, regardless of if I’m winning or losing.  

So what does ‘success’ really mean to me? You can still have the big goal. You can have the big job you’re aiming for, or the big project you’re trying to get done, but ask yourself: what does it take to get there? Are you enjoying it? Are you still taking that time to spend with your family and friends? Are you surrounded by people you care about, and who care about you? And can you be the best you can be for both worlds?

Even if your journey takes you in a different direction, or down some path you didn’t expect, if your answer to all of those questions is yes then, as far as I’m concerned, you’re already one hell of a success story.

You can read more about Dame Valerie Adam’s personal journey here