AIA Vitality Ambassador Dame Valerie Adams’ Guide to Navigating Bullying 

Put simply, bullying is nasty. Growing up, I was relentlessly picked on for my size. Being big, people assumed that nothing could ever get in my way or hurt me, which unfortunately wasn’t the case. I found it difficult to cope and, in all honesty, I struggled a lot until I found my support. 

I was really lucky to have Erica, my best friend in primary school. Although she was smaller than me, Erica stood up for me, protected me and was there when I needed her most. When you are getting bullied it’s like all of a sudden you don’t have a voice, you don’t know where you belong and you don’t know who has your back, but I knew I could trust Erica. Our friendship helped me get through those tough times.  

For people getting bullied it is so important to find someone who you trust with all your heart and let them know what is going on. Don’t suffer in silence, there are people out there who love you and are there to support you through this difficult time. I was fortunate to have my Erica and recognise the help she was providing me, don’t be afraid to find yours.  

As a mother, my worst nightmare is for my kids to experience bullying like I did. So, at the top of my list of Mum duties is to aid my children to grow the confidence needed to navigate such a tough situation. When we send our kids off to school all we can do is hope they are treated well and treat others with respect too, however, drawing from my past, I’ve learned there is more we can do to give them the proper support they deserve. 

When I was growing up, there was no such thing as telling your parents about being bullied.  It was seen as a sign of weakness, or downplayed and disregarded. From personal experience, I can honestly tell you these tactics don’t work; when your feelings are not validated or acknowledged, you retreat into your shell even further. 

Try to approach the situation differently: keep open communication and normalise the topic of bullying. This creates a safe place for the person affected and establishes trust in you. Trust is a big thing between two people and I want my kids to trust me and believe I have their best interests at heart. I’m all about making sure they are armed and equipped with their own tools to deal with these situations as I can’t be there all the time, as much as I want to. Nevertheless, I keep building that relationship and trust with my babies, so I can forever be their number-one supporter.  

Everyone has different opinions, and over time, I’ve learned to take what people say with a grain of salt. For me, it’s all about blocking out the negative, focusing only on people who make a positive contribution to my life, and moving forward to better things. It’s important not to give bullies the platform or power to affect us; they don’t control your life - you’re in charge!  

Of course, sometimes it is easier said than done. When that’s not working, acknowledge it is a problem and get some help. Use resources such as Youthline, Samaritans, The Lowdown and others to work through those feelings and the hurt the situation has inflicted. I cannot stress it enough, don’t suffer alone. 

More than anything, remember you are loved, valued and cherished always. 

Kōrero Mai, Kōrero Atu, Mauri Tū, Mauri Ora! Speak Up, Stand Together, Stop Bullying!