Ian Jones: Let's talk about men's health

I played professional rugby for a long time, which meant keeping to an elite sportsperson routine to ensure mental and physical fitness were in top condition. After playing overseas for some time and having a young family, I started dreaming about a ‘normal’ life; one where I didn’t have to be anywhere at a certain time.

Once I retired, we made the move back to New Zealand where I had no routine, and it took me six months to realise this was not the normal life I desired. The lack of routine had an effect on me physically and mentally. My ‘normal’ was structure, having a goal and working as a team to achieve something. I was trying to live someone else’s idea of normal, instead of accepting what worked for me.

Once I recognised this, I started fresh: set myself goals, started training for events, and found a community. This helped me re-establish a sense of balance

For our physical fitness, sometimes the hardest part is starting. We’ve all got doubts we can’t do it: haven’t got the time, energy, or ability. Start small, make goals you can achieve and then adjust. What are some good and easy ways to add activity to already busy lives? Commit to walking the stairs, hopping off the bus early and walking the rest of the way to work, go to the park with your kids – all the small steps will add up to big changes. Something is better than nothing. If you commit and prioritise, your doubts can in fact become a strength.  

And you’re not the only one who has doubts. Be the inspiration for others to make a start, too. You’ve got to be vulnerable, which can be difficult for men, but do it knowing you can help change those around you. For our mental health, be the person to set the tone for the day. We spend all day looking down at our phones. Be the person who looks up, smiles and says hello – I guarantee that person will smile back and have a great day. Make someone else’s day!

What I’ve learned is that physical exercise is just a hook; most of us are interested in the social benefit and the support from being surrounded by like-minded people that movement can provide. With this in mind, I plan physical fitness with other people. Committing to a time and place with a group of mates, or training partners gives me accountability. We’re all going to turn up, because we don’t want to let each other down. 

Most people also find it hard to let themselves down, which is why it’s important to make a plan. Set yourself a goal, and plan how you will achieve it. Write it down and prioritise it. By simply writing it down you’ve started something. People often find it hard to plan physical activity into their routines for whatever reason. Time is a precious commodity, but it is important to prioritise yourself. A lot of people are givers, but by giving yourself time, you’ll be able to get more out of yourself.

I personally thrive with the consistency of routine and structure of training. I like the structure of a plan – I know where I am going. On Sundays I write my weekly plan, which is how I feel like I have some kind of control over my week. Like all plans, we need to be flexible, but it gives me mental control – and that’s how I find balance. I personally believe that you can be the fittest, strongest, most skillful person in the world, but if you don’t have structure, you won’t achieve your goals.

Connecting with your community, and having the opportunity to share your blessings and your story with others, is invaluable for your mental health. In 2019, my family and I wanted to share our blessings and give back to our community, which is how Eddie’s Meals began. By opening the doors in the community, we have created a space for everyone: young, old, lonely, vulnerable – we never ask why they’re there, and the door is always open. The free meal is the hook, but the real reason people come is the conversation, the community, the support, and the respect and care they receive when they join us. 

Eddie’s Meals has become a meaningful way for our friends and wider community to give back. So many people want the opportunity to give, but don’t know where to start. My advice is, just do it! When you give, you get back – it replenishes your mental energy and provides that balance many are seeking. When people come together we can do incredible things.

I recently completed the Due Drop Challenge, an extreme 16-day relay event to swim, bike and run from Cape Reinga to the Beehive in Wellington to raise awareness about the struggles young people face accessing counselling. The community surrounding this event was strong and the 16 events with my fellow athletes gave us all the opportunity to share our stories. I realised, the more I share my story, the more others can relate and share theirs – once they realise they’re not alone. 

We need to be vulnerable to lead the way for others. Change won’t happen overnight, but we can all break down the barriers by starting a conversation and sharing our stories. What you can do to help out yourself and your mates is powerful. You don’t have to share or give all of yourself all at the same time, but a little part of your story is better than nothing.

The Due Drop Challenge showed me how this young generation of New Zealanders are so much more knowledgeable, empathetic and caring. Allow them to start the conversation, share with them if Dad’s had a rough day at work, or going through some challenges. Your kids are smart, they pick up on it. It’s important to clarify that it’s not them that’s causing you to feel this way, it’s what’s going on in your life.  

While it’s important to share your story, it’s equally important to listen. The Due Drop Challenge was proof that we’ve got amazing young New Zealanders who, if we listen to them, back them, and give them the tools they need, they will thrive.

The stigma around men’s mental health is becoming more widely known. However, it still exists and often stops people from seeking help. Access to counselling and professionals is a game changer. During the Due Drop Challenge, young Kiwis shared consistently how access to counselling literally saved their lives. My message is: you don’t have to just survive. It’s OK to seek help to grow and thrive, so don’t be afraid to seek that help if you need it. 

If you can’t seek professional help, seek support from your community. For me, being around people is how I link up physical and mental fitness. That’s why I love events – everyone is nervous and no matter your level, you’re all in it together.

It’s important to talk, and there are so many groups out there to connect with. New Zealand is a small place, and I want people to know we can connect you to your support people, your community. They will back you.