Kindness, resilience and being real: Jason Gunn on why Pink Shirt Day matters

Pink Shirt Day is all about standing up to bullying and promoting kindness and inclusion, and to me, that’s everything. Bullying is the lowest of the low. It’s beyond unacceptable. But it’s not just about the bullies, it’s about the people who allow it to happen. If you see it, if it’s your mate or someone in your circle, you need to call it out. We have to start saying, “Hey mate, that’s not okay.” Words carry weight and people aren’t bulletproof.

What really frightens me today is how easily people can get to our kids. When I was growing up, and when I was making children’s television, and even when my now grown-up kids were little, people couldn’t reach you the way they can now through social media. Now it’s a free for all. No age limit, no training, just go for it. And the damage it can do is heartbreaking. 

I’ve been on TV since I was 18 and had my fair share of bullying with people shouting things from the sidelines and now, saying whatever they like online. But someone once told me, “You can be vanilla and no one will hate you, but no one will love you either.” I decided I’d rather be real, have fun, and be me. But being real also means opening yourself up to criticism, and even now at 56 years old, some days those comments still get to me. Imagine what it’s like for a teenager today!

Just the other day, I saw comments on Facebook about potential hosts for a TV show and my name being mentioned. Someone dropped a hate bomb about me, saying I wasn’t a nice person in real life, then walked away like it was nothing. Meanwhile, I’m left there hurting. Where are the moderators? Where are the people standing up and saying that’s not okay? It’s bullying, pure and simple, and it needs to stop. 

As a family, we’ve always made sure our kids understood that kindness matters. Before family events, we’d sit in the car and say, “Hey, it’s Auntie Joan’s birthday today. It’s about her, not you. Sit with her, ask her how she’s doing, and listen.” We’ve always taught them to try to be the best part of someone’s day. That small conversation could be the only real one they have all day.

Kindness isn’t just good for others, it’s good for you too. It fills your own cup. Loneliness is one of the fastest growing killers in the world. We can fix it by being present, by asking people how they are and actually sticking around to hear the answer.

One of the things I always tell my kids is “be where your feet are.” That’s something my son Louis reminds me of all the time. It’s about being truly present, not lost in yesterday, not worrying about tomorrow, but being here, now. 

I’m not perfect. After my heart attack in 2017, people think I must have everything sorted. Truth is, I’m still figuring it out. Some days I nail it, some days I don’t. I’ve learned that when I get overwhelmed and there’s too much energy going out and not enough coming in, I need to reset. Louis always says, “Dad, promise me you’ll keep your buckets filled.” He’s right, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Sometimes it’s three minutes of box breathing, sometimes it’s a short walk. Motion equals emotion, that’s another one Louis reminds me of. If you’re stuck in your head, get on your feet.

And speaking of being open, a few months ago I had to go for a colonoscopy (one of those things no one really talks about). I was a bit nervous, so I made some light-hearted content about it. It went crazy online. I even had a mum reach out to say her son, who’d been terrified about getting checked after losing his dad to bowel cancer, felt so much better after watching it. I sent him a wee video message too. It’s a beautiful reminder that sometimes by being a little vulnerable and sharing your journey, you can make someone else’s day a little easier. 

You don’t need to change the whole world at once. You just need to make one person’s day better. If we all did that, imagine the ripple effect!

It’s the little things that matter. Asking someone how they really are. Holding a door. Helping someone load their groceries. Being present. Looking up. Noticing where you can make a small difference.

There’s enough people communicating in the world. What we need are more people connecting.  

Pink Shirt Day isn’t just about standing up to bullies. It’s about standing up for kindness, inclusion and connection. And if we each do our bit, we’ll create a New Zealand that’s kinder, stronger, and more resilient, together.